"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed - Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.'" -Jack Handy

"A good cigar is like tasting a good wine: you smell it, you taste it, you look at it, you feel it - you can even hear it. It satisfies all the senses." - Anonymous

"You play five years in a Jimmy Buffett cover band and see what your freakin' wardrobe looks like, butthole!" - gitfiddl