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The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People
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jagfandaddy
Posted 10/30/2018 9:05 PM (#755418 - in reply to #755350)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



Extreme Veteran

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Welcome Back!
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Cfickter
Posted 10/31/2018 9:11 AM (#755437 - in reply to #755350)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



Elite Guru

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Oooooooo! Ooooooo! I have one
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SparklePony
Posted 10/31/2018 1:26 PM (#755443 - in reply to #755437)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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Cfickter - 10/31/2018 10:11 AM Oooooooo! Ooooooo! I have one


Ok. One. You get one...
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Cfickter
Posted 10/31/2018 3:16 PM (#755445 - in reply to #755350)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



Elite Guru

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What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor?

“Make me one with everything.”
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05Venturer
Posted 10/31/2018 7:16 PM (#755455 - in reply to #755350)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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Why are Redneck Murder cases the hardest to solve???

There are never any dental records
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biggsy16
Posted 10/31/2018 7:46 PM (#755457 - in reply to #755455)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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05Venturer - 10/31/2018 9:16 PM Why are Redneck Murder cases the hardest to solve??? There are never any dental records

 

That's freaking funny 

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Vanilla Gorilla
Posted 11/1/2018 8:25 AM (#755471 - in reply to #755350)
Subject: RE: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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Welcome back. Since you've been gone I'll bring you up to date on some of the things you missed while you were away. You might think things are boring but we've had our fair share of excitement around here and this lull has been well earned.

Do you guys remember that Mexican poster who kept talking about how he wanted to kill people using trains? And how when we asked him why, he had all kinds of locomotives?

Or the little person who used to post here that claimed he was a fortune teller? He doesn't post here anymore cause he was accused of robbing a cigar store. They still haven't caught the guy. He's been a small medium at large ever since. 

Now I know this contest is probably just just open to American users, which is cool. I get it. To be honest us Canadians are getting used to the fact that we're like batteries around here. We've never included in anything.

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Jackal
Posted 11/1/2018 1:24 PM (#755477 - in reply to #755350)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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Great to see you back. I am trying to get back onto the site and smoking cigar again too.


Q: You are riding a horse at full speed. There is a giraffe right beside you and a lion nipping at you heels. What do you do?

A: Get off of the carousel and sober up.

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Koop
Posted 11/2/2018 12:19 PM (#755502 - in reply to #755350)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and
announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers.
'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
The pharmacist fainted.
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Brlesq
Posted 11/2/2018 1:15 PM (#755506 - in reply to #755350)
Subject: RE: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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.



(stonehenge.jpg)



Attachments
----------------
Attachments stonehenge.jpg (50KB - 56 downloads)
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SparklePony
Posted 11/2/2018 1:46 PM (#755508 - in reply to #755350)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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You know, some of these are good. And good to see you, too, Jason! We need to chat about board games...
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Kid Montana
Posted 11/2/2018 2:29 PM (#755511 - in reply to #755350)
Subject: RE: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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SparklePony distilled:

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CoreyMacLeod
Posted 11/2/2018 9:31 PM (#755528 - in reply to #755350)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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Location: I'm Behind You.

A woman sitting at her recently-deceased husband's funeral.
A man leans in to her and asks, "Do you mind if I say a word?"
"No, go right ahead." the woman replies.
The man stands, clears his throat, and says "Plethora," and sits back down.
"Thanks," the woman says, "that means a lot."
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CoreyMacLeod
Posted 11/2/2018 9:31 PM (#755529 - in reply to #755350)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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Location: I'm Behind You.

P.S. It's good to see you here. I've heard that you are fun in the herfs.
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Vanilla Gorilla
Posted 11/4/2018 6:02 AM (#755609 - in reply to #755508)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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SparklePony - 11/2/2018 3:46 PM You know, some of these are good. And good to see you, too, Jason! We need to chat about board games...

What kind of board games!?!
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nirab
Posted 11/4/2018 1:42 PM (#755638 - in reply to #755609)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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Glittery, sparkling rainbow farts...welcome back brother!
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Rebecca Silverwolf
Posted 11/5/2018 12:05 AM (#755661 - in reply to #755609)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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Vanilla Gorilla - 11/4/2018 7:02 AM

SparklePony - 11/2/2018 3:46 PM You know, some of these are good. And good to see you, too, Jason! We need to chat about board games...

What kind of board games!?!


The kind played on a board.
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Rebecca Silverwolf
Posted 11/5/2018 12:11 AM (#755662 - in reply to #755350)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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Okay, a one-liner for you.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
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bstessl
Posted 11/5/2018 4:55 AM (#755664 - in reply to #755350)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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Geeze, SparklePony posts a thread and everyone comes out of the woodwork.... What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear

Edited by bstessl 11/5/2018 4:56 AM
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Kid Montana
Posted 11/5/2018 9:04 AM (#755670 - in reply to #755664)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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bstessl - 11/5/2018 2:55 AM

Geeze, SparklePony posts a thread and everyone comes out of the woodwork.... What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear


Brian, thats dad-joke grade. You need to step it up for a Sparklepony thread. Because Veteran's day is coming up, my submission:

One Sunday morning, a pastor noticed an unfamiliar member standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it. The churchgoer had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside him, and said quietly, 'Good morning.'

'Good morning Pastor,' the churchgoer replied, still focused on the plaque. 'Pastor, what is this?' The pastor said, 'Well, it's a memorial to all the men and women who died in the service. Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Finally, the new churchgoer's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear
asked, 'Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:45?"
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PETE314
Posted 11/6/2018 6:41 AM (#755717 - in reply to #755350)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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I met a fairy today that granted me one wish.

"I want to live forever", I said.

"Sorry" said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!"

"Fine", I said, "I want to die after the Browns win the Super Bowl!"

"You crafty bastard!", said the fairy.



This coming from a diehard Browns fan...lol
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Vanilla Gorilla
Posted 11/8/2018 7:39 AM (#755783 - in reply to #755661)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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Rebecca Silverwolf - 11/5/2018 2:05 AM
Vanilla Gorilla - 11/4/2018 7:02 AM
SparklePony - 11/2/2018 3:46 PM You know, some of these are good. And good to see you, too, Jason! We need to chat about board games...

What kind of board games!?!
The kind played on a board.

ahahah ok that is a fair comment to make. 

The reason why I asked is I get hired to help people develop their Kickstarter campaigns for board game projects. I also am frequently hired to play test and preview/review board games before they become reality through crowdfunding campaigns.  
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Longhorn
Posted 11/8/2018 9:32 PM (#755816 - in reply to #755350)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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Your avatar is real cute... PF Changs will never be the same.

Elton John was in town last weekend and my wife landed tickets... we saw him the year we got married and my wife made sure to remind me of that as I was "forced" to go with her.

Never mind I had plans to smoke cigars and drink whisky the same night with a few friends (including Druff from this community).

Anyway, the concert turned out to be a good one as Elton played all his favorite hits and sang for nearly 3 hours.

As you know, Sparkle Pony, Elton John is great on a piano... but he sucks on an organ.
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SparklePony
Posted 11/9/2018 12:51 PM (#755835 - in reply to #755350)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



Elite Veteran

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA ^^^^!!!!!
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Cfickter
Posted 11/9/2018 2:06 PM (#755838 - in reply to #755835)
Subject: Re: The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People



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SparklePony - 11/9/2018 1:51 PM HAHAHAHAHAHAHA ^^^^!!!!!


Oh, so that is how it is, huh?
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