1. The Jewish Elbow.
2. The Italian Grandfather
3. The Irish Blonde
1. The Jewish ELBOW
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in.. Come inside, the elevator is on the right Get in, and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? ........
"What . . . . You're coming empty handed?"
(https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0?ui=2&ik=68ad96d51c&attid=0.1&permmsgid=msg-f:1624378149089700156&th=168af351fd65e93c&view=fimg&sz=s0-l75-ft&attbid=ANGjdJ8hCqVLl9pkXk6VMJ8IV3xIvrCsJcIKJY_bhbwBhApspShGunDZjZimiJ4p_DYnr8rmkMnmZrfxG4QcOMjDo1A0ePf8mQs3J3YDOnJFVs0o1ssSJQKhrOCB1pY&disp=emb)
2. Wise Italian Grandfather
Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.
An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"
"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos."
"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'times up' "?
(https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0?ui=2&ik=68ad96d51c&attid=0.1&permmsgid=msg-f:1624378149089700156&th=168af351fd65e93c&view=fimg&sz=s0-l75-ft&attbid=ANGjdJ-Ms1kFGA-vjpb0PoKb0LvgzqvY4zhsBWgOHH11SZ0nRd9Xw7vK1C3aya7bsXs9hpjfZcQe2Eah8Vl-cMCXS0RmCz8agfUK_PYPh5Io1_ug7oO3h2475Pe5YZY&disp=emb)
3. Irish Blonde...
An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching"
(https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0?ui=2&ik=68ad96d51c&attid=0.1&permmsgid=msg-f:1624378149089700156&th=168af351fd65e93c&view=fimg&sz=s0-l75-ft&attbid=ANGjdJ_gW4AuO5siBMULbJyOQmJZIcE9yWXMYnSP1Lqi9MNhKYPek_amjj7VdAGDbr5c7Mv8_8tXftf2NzWDOm2H2HTTWmgyY0dY94PRbKj_UVcSz233OODlLux286U&disp=emb)
MORAL OF the Story
Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, ... but all men...are men!(https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0?ui=2&ik=68ad96d51c&attid=0.1&permmsgid=msg-f:1624378149089700156&th=168af351fd65e93c&view=fimg&sz=s0-l75-ft&attbid=ANGjdJ9hlD-7tOfpoyMG-qbpRNT1Z-9_V0mXTQUDQIZSn_CK4GGCcMe3tgccETjEm_N6yeZP20Q6eBLZ89nNMhOvSPSX6x8IUmA_A5D-mJOVITdZDGTds55GVSbaK8g&disp=emb)(https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0?ui=2&ik=68ad96d51c&attid=0.1&permmsgid=msg-f:1624378149089700156&th=168af351fd65e93c&view=fimg&sz=s0-l75-ft&attbid=ANGjdJ9YNdtf98rZoPJVpw6CiD7fgyUa8jJwQe0T8e1SDWfA4zrazwva297gu5e4dnx3pzV31Y73IYCZMqB-W72wp1pMSTLBIo2O6uw6KmcY8RZSeH2bP8Vl4ysvfwM&disp=emb)
__._,_.___
(https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/Eagle_View/info;_ylc=X3oDMTJlcWl0cTRxBF9TAzk3MzU5NzE0BGdycElkAzM1MjM2MjcEZ3Jwc3BJZAMxNzA1NDcyMDc4BHNlYwN2dGwEc2xrA3ZnaHAEc3RpbWUDMTU0ODk3MjgyMg--)
(https://ci5.googleusercontent.com/proxy/cGt_N3FFrRz04kI08Gj5tQwstwZLZMprqjsFRYx_-6JjPEe-ynN2K7LJZ9lpeZIC4k8p0w=s0-d-e1-ft#http://us.adserver.yahoo.com/l?M=)
(https://ci5.googleusercontent.com/proxy/cGt_N3FFrRz04kI08Gj5tQwstwZLZMprqjsFRYx_-6JjPEe-ynN2K7LJZ9lpeZIC4k8p0w=s0-d-e1-ft#http://us.adserver.yahoo.com/l?M=)
(https://ci5.googleusercontent.com/proxy/cGt_N3FFrRz04kI08Gj5tQwstwZLZMprqjsFRYx_-6JjPEe-ynN2K7LJZ9lpeZIC4k8p0w=s0-d-e1-ft#http://us.adserver.yahoo.com/l?M=)
.
(https://ci3.googleusercontent.com/proxy/lt7xxlPFn3j8Ns8VbsE2zV9Y03GTtUICB4ZTJAiyIRPKiNWT6VGvjGHKlQLNbC9RYWRz1O8V16uNkIehj5_I2GM1Y0uJpfn1Hk5aqPumghh-e4Yj_RNQD-J6qoFRbagNG2dxbF2byYko5Ed8BjJXyfN_d4Mop11TeOweUG_07SlOItehRJilxRtqp8CT=s0-d-e1-ft#http://geo.yahoo.com/serv?s=97359714/grpId=3523627/grpspId=1705472078/msgId=26537/stime=1548972822/nc1=1234567/nc2=2/nc3=3)
(https://ci6.googleusercontent.com/proxy/C7NEP4t63jIM-7Wx7FG-z-MiOrB2k1JhqWtuWDzPec8InZPhiLSiDFRU8P_OXEpIfIkPN70Y7BHm2WG0uqcnl9aJNWen0xB3ImAXAvYOoOcEqKWNThn2jRqxzCj6InbE9IVeDHD5znTvy8gLc1h51Ya__Q4gbQ=s0-d-e1-ft#http://y.analytics.yahoo.com/fpc.pl?ywarid=515FB27823A7407E&a=10001310322279&js=no&resp=img&cf12=CP)
__,_._,___
Quotentanner - 2/3/2019 2:59 PM
One more to round out the weekend.
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time, she attempted the step.
Once again, much to her annoyance, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"
The Texan smiled and drawled, " Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we were friends. :biggrin: