Thank you all for the kind words and encouragement. Needless to say it has been a very difficult time. As stupid as it sounds cigars have been helping. This dose of not only reality but mortality itself that I have gotten has been rather abrupt and sharp.
I have been digging into the top 2 shelves of my tower and sitting down, relaxing and thinking. Have smoked some good things like my Behike 54 for example and as stupid as it sounds it has been comforting. Smoking all these cigars that I have been saving for some day or special occasion that may never happen has been a kind of therapy. My friends every once and awhile you need to smoke one of those cigars that can't be replaced or that you only have the 1 of. Sit down and enjoy it knowing that you got the chance to smoke it and in a way you're making that day a special occasion.