Your worst cigar review

Started by bmac7754, 06/02/2013 09:36 PM

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Brlesq

#25
06/06/2013 04:09 PM

OMG, where do I start? I've been keeping a journal for 22 years, so there are a lot of them in the "1 star" category. Among the 'worst of the worst' are:

  • Acid (Red Line) Nasty :barf:
  • Don Tomas Candela  :barf:
  • El Mejor Emerald :barf:
  • Patel Bros. Next Generation :barf:
  • Purofino Milenio :barf:
  • Sancho Panza 'Extra-Fuerte' :barf:
  • Victor Sinclair (any of them):barf:

 

Bruce
Chief Enabler 
Guru of Decorum & Sarcasm

Hey! How come Habana is written on here with a Sharpie ?!?

A day without whiskey is like . . . just kidding, I have no idea!

lukin

#26
06/14/2013 09:18 PM
I've had a few nasties, for sure...Victor Sinclairs of course (I actually puked after that one), I had a Padilla once that tasted like soap and a Joya Del Jefe which was probably the second worse cigar I've ever had.  But the worst, by far was a Montecristo that this guy gave me and told me was a Cuban.  He was a nice guy and knew I was into cigars, but the minute he handed it to me I knew it wasn't a CC.  For starters the band looked photocopied, the wrapper was grey, but he and I both lit up anyway.  I've had bad cigars before, what's the worst that could happen?  Well, you know that smell when something has been pissed on and it's like a few days later?  That's what this tasted like.  Pissed on cardboard.  He looked so pleased though about his Cubans that I just had to keep smoking and hold on. I think I made it halfway before I made up an excuse to chuck it, but in every way, it was the worst cigar I've ever had.
"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." C.S. Lewis

grabow66

#27
06/15/2013 03:25 AM
QuoteBrlesq - 6/6/2013  6:09 PM

OMG, where do I start? I've been keeping a journal for 22 years, so there are a lot of them in the "1 star" category. Among the 'worst of the worst' are:

  • Acid (Red Line) Nasty :barf:
  • Don Tomas Candela  :barf:
  • El Mejor Emerald :barf:
  • Patel Bros. Next Generation :barf:
  • Purofino Milenio :barf:
  • Sancho Panza 'Extra-Fuerte' :barf:
  • Victor Sinclair (any of them):barf:

 


Ah man, I really like the SP extra fuerte
If at first you dont succeed you are running about average.

jimmyG

#28
06/15/2013 04:41 AM
For me there's one that stands out the 5 Vegas Limitada 2011, iv'e tried it 3 times now and every time was a disaster. No draw no flavor and the worst burn and splitting of the wrapper ever :mad:

junglepete

#29
06/15/2013 05:45 AM Last Edit: 06/15/2013 05:47 AM by junglepete
QuoteBrlesq - 6/6/2013  7:09 PM

OMG, where do I start? I've been keeping a journal for 22 years, so there are a lot of them in the "1 star" category. Among the 'worst of the worst' are:

  • Acid (Red Line) Nasty :barf:
  • Don Tomas Candela  :barf:
  • El Mejor Emerald :barf:
  • Patel Bros. Next Generation :barf:
  • Purofino Milenio :barf:
  • Sancho Panza 'Extra-Fuerte' :barf:
  • Victor Sinclair (any of them):barf:

 


Different strokes for... -it's  amazing the variety of taste definition we all have when it comes to cigars.

I've smoked one or two VC in the past that were okay, same as the El Mejor, and the RP Next Generation was smokable, and I have enjoyed a few SP Extra Fuerte ( well aged to the point of yellowing cellos). But I totally agree with you on the Don Thomas
Guru of Frugality

"It is your decisions, not your conditions that shape your life."  ~Tony Robbins~

PKAmmoTroop

#30
08/21/2013 01:47 PM
Being cheap I've had lots of dog rockets, hey, you get what you pay for and sometimes you find a diamond in the rough, mostly not. However the worst cigar had to be the Flor de Oliva Gold Churchill. It was well constructed and really really pretty but the draw was so loose it was hard to tell there was a cigar attached to that cap, and what little smoke there was (anemic at best) was completely flavorless. It was like being completely ignored by a cigar. It was a waste of butane to light.
"I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it."
    - Terry Pratchett

Jackal

#31
08/21/2013 02:03 PM
ACID - Anything with a maduro capa
Boardwalk
Cuba Libre
Henri Wintermans - I think that these are just cigarettes with brown paper trying to pretend that they are cigarillos
Palomino Cigars - Any (they all taste metallic)
SP Extra Fuerte
Victor Sinclair - Any

I'll do what I will and I'll drink what I please
I'll smoke what I like 'till I cough and I wheeze
I'll drink and I'll whore and every pleasure realize
For this time tomorrow I may die

ntanner

#32
08/21/2013 04:26 PM
Several bad ones but the one that comes to mind when you say worst is El Bambino Artista Torpedo. Yuck.
I am not concerned about what you think as I can tell you don't do it often.

I used to be a people person, but then people ruined that for me.

Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of a group of grains that could have become beer but didn't.

Cfickter

#33
08/21/2013 05:11 PM
Padilla Fuma
Most of the CAO La Traviata line
Are two near the top of my list
Guru Master of the Minions

Alcohol, Tobacco, & Firearms should be a convenience store, not a department of our government!

Gunga galunga ... gunga, gunga-lagunga." - Carl Spackler

Education is important, cigars are importanter!

I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me




Longhorn

#34
08/21/2013 07:03 PM
Quotenirab - 6/3/2013  1:26 AM

This is easy, as I just had a cigar take the top spot in my worst cigar ever, and I reviewed it for y'all. David's post on funny reviews inspired to not let this one slip through the cracks...

Cigar Reviews
Leon Jimenes Imperiales Corojo Maduro Short Robusto   5/30/2013 8:12:35 AM
Rating:    1 Star...and that is generous!

This is a great looking cigar...and a horrible tasting one! I barely got to the half point when I had to chunk this hunk of shyte. It tasted exactly like licking a 70's black light poster that has mold on the felt, toss in a hint of dirty, used unflavored edible underwear, and finishes with a heavy dose of crap on the palate. If sucking on a great looking, perfectly formed piece of dog shyte fits your flavor profile, then this thing is a winner. This dude Leon, whose name is on the band, would be best served to put some azzholes name on it...call it the Sandusky Corojo Juvenile Maduro Butthole Robusto.

When I saw this thread I went back and looked this up.  The first time I read this review I spewed really good scotch all over the place.  Thanks for the laugh, brother!  

"Sandusky Corojo Juvenile Maduro Butthole Robusto!"    :lmao:  :lmao:  :lmao:

1029henry

#35
08/21/2013 07:11 PM Last Edit: 08/21/2013 07:12 PM by 1029henry
I'll second those worst cigar votes with El Mejor Emerald. I remember CI was trying to pass them off as "Premium" cigars a few years ago, so I bought a 5 pack to try. Nice try, chumps. What a horsecrap smoke those are!!!! I still have a few left in my "Moocher" tupperdor, but I haven't had the heart to spring one on anyone. I haven't met anyone I've disliked that much yet.
"What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife"

"When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them"

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met"
-Rodney Dangerfield

mike.casey

#36
08/21/2013 08:44 PM
Great topic!

I'll have to think about this one...
Life is hard. It's harder when you're stupid. -John Wayne-

I've got a great cigar collection - it's actually not a collection, because that would imply I wasn't going to smoke every last one of 'em.
Ron White

Him and his kind get more endangered everyday, and pretty soon the species will just up and fade away. Like the smoke from that torpedo... just up and fade away. -Old Hippie, Bellamy Brothers-

apostlegato

#37
08/21/2013 09:14 PM
Miraculous Templar and Don Lino San Andreas, both flat out disgusting. Ive had plenty of suppose to be good cigars that wouldnt smoke for crap but these two taste like butt.
Mike Burns
"If I had taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn't have lived to go to his funeral." – George Burns

Hot Stuff x

#38
08/22/2013 04:25 AM

Worst cigars?

Villiger Original-Krumme (Culebra)

Anything by El Artista (worse than Victor Sinclair)

Fake Cuban Cohiba Edicion Limitada

Fonseca Vintage Churchill

CAO Gold Churchill

Acid One

Drew Estate Egg

Macanudo Maduro

Camacho Havana Monarca

Romeo y Julieta (Cuban) Coronitas En Cedro

Pirata Torpedo (one star) ---   Not good.  The cigar was nearly plugged, which was okay becuause the  flavor was bad, in spite of over six months' rest laying in the cedar  amongst superior cigars.  The cigar held together well and burned fairly  evenly, but there was a cheap, grassy taste to the tobacco.  Less than  2" in to this dog rocket and I decided to toss it--had the draw not been  so tight I may have suffered through more of it, but did not by any  measure enjoy the experience.

LES
Guru of Morning Calm and Oriental Wisdom


_________________
"So I feel like I've cheated on a wife or long time lover... this is your damn fault Les, you sent me that first Tatuaje!!!!!!  You introduced us!!"  - Bob Cordell

"You got me started on both the Liberty and the Christian's Blend, Les. Now my kids won't be able to go to college." - Brlesq

Hot Stuff x

#39
08/22/2013 04:29 AM
For all of you that are hating on the El Mejor Emerald, note that it is averaging about 3 stars in our reviews.
LES
Guru of Morning Calm and Oriental Wisdom


_________________
"So I feel like I've cheated on a wife or long time lover... this is your damn fault Les, you sent me that first Tatuaje!!!!!!  You introduced us!!"  - Bob Cordell

"You got me started on both the Liberty and the Christian's Blend, Les. Now my kids won't be able to go to college." - Brlesq

87North

#40
08/22/2013 08:09 AM
QuoteHot Stuff x - 8/22/2013  6:29 AM

For all of you that are hating on the El Mejor Emerald, note that it is averaging about 3 stars in our reviews.

I think age may be helpful on those sticks...  :confused:
Guru of "Sarcastic Wit and Folksy Wisdom"

Camshaft83

#41
01/09/2014 09:03 PM
Carlos Torano Noventa Latin Maduro. Tried to smoke 3 of the 10 pack I got and not one would draw right or stay lit.  Big disappointment.
Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip." Winston Churchill

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Cfickter

#42
01/10/2014 05:05 AM
Pretty easy and I am half embarrassed to post this: Tatiana Mocha Caramely
I am not much for the infused and for me this is the poster child for why not
Guru Master of the Minions

Alcohol, Tobacco, & Firearms should be a convenience store, not a department of our government!

Gunga galunga ... gunga, gunga-lagunga." - Carl Spackler

Education is important, cigars are importanter!

I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me




bigjohn20081983

#43
10/08/2014 09:04 AM

Quotecibolodave - 6/3/2013  10:48 AM  I will write a review shortly, but this is by far an easy choice for me. Worse cigar i ever smoked was a Piper Haven flor de gerard. still dry heave thinking about it.

 

:-0   Damn I keep hearing a buddy talk about how good the one he had was and had me wanting to try one  maybe not now.  :-(

You should hurry up and acquire the cigar habit. It's one of the major happiness's. And so much more lasting than love, so much less costly in emotional wear and tear.
Aldous Huxley

Maybe it's like becoming one with the cigar. You lose yourself in it; everything fades away: your worries, your problems, your thoughts. They fade into the smoke, and the cigar and you are at peace.

Raul Julia

I'D rather be tried by 12 than carried by 6
http://www.cigargeeks.com/index.php?action=humidors;area=public;member=bigjohn20081983

Jackal

#44
10/08/2014 09:47 AM Last Edit: 10/08/2014 09:47 AM by Jackal
Les mentioned the RyJ Cononitos en Cedro.  I have learned that with these, if they are under 3-4 years old, they are completely unsmokable.  Something magical happens around teh 5 year mark and they become pretty good, not great, but decent.  Unfortunately, that means that you have to keep these little mold magnets around taking up space in your humidor for half a decade (and they do attract mold under the cedar).

I'll do what I will and I'll drink what I please
I'll smoke what I like 'till I cough and I wheeze
I'll drink and I'll whore and every pleasure realize
For this time tomorrow I may die

bigjohn20081983

#45
10/09/2014 05:00 PM
Let me say I love nub cigars but the habano I just had tasted like a ashtray from get go.  I dont think I could even bring myself to try another habano specifically at that price to see if it was a fluke.  It went in the water bucket the rest of the ends go in so at least once the water is anicetea color it will make decent for getting rid of ants in the yard and add a little dish soap and a dry crushed ghost pepper will make a decent insect killer in the garden.
You should hurry up and acquire the cigar habit. It's one of the major happiness's. And so much more lasting than love, so much less costly in emotional wear and tear.
Aldous Huxley

Maybe it's like becoming one with the cigar. You lose yourself in it; everything fades away: your worries, your problems, your thoughts. They fade into the smoke, and the cigar and you are at peace.

Raul Julia

I'D rather be tried by 12 than carried by 6
http://www.cigargeeks.com/index.php?action=humidors;area=public;member=bigjohn20081983

Chadboskie

#46
10/09/2014 06:13 PM
The worst cigar I ever had was the Gurkha Viper. Tasted like a moist dusty old rag stuck in my mouth. Really most of the Gurkhas ive had were let downs. The symphony was wonderful though. But Damn that Viper was atrocious.

DonM

#47
10/09/2014 07:15 PM
QuoteHot Stuff x - 8/22/2013  7:29 AM

For all of you that are hating on the El Mejor Emerald, note that it is averaging about 3 stars in our reviews.

Yea well I can't believe I gave it a 1.5, what was I thinking, that was generous

"The Curmudgeon"












Mojo66

#48
10/09/2014 07:45 PM
When I first started smoking NCs, a "friend" recommended Quorum cigars as they were cheap and supposedly great for the money...

The 3 I tried have to be the worst cigars I ever smoked. Haven't reviewed them though, not worth the ink. I have smoked Guantanameras that were better than that, that says it all.
"Life's too short to smoke bad cigars."

wkgdyw

#49
10/09/2014 09:55 PM
My standout worst was a Tatuaje torpedo.  Smelled and tasted like a plastic bag that had been worn on someone's foot.  Construction was terrible too.  The other four in the 5-pack were delicious.  Also, got some R Patel lonsdales a few years ago that were unendurable.
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