The Bitch is Back: A Contest For Classy People

Started by SparklePony, 10/29/2018 10:50 AM

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jagfandaddy

#25
10/30/2018 09:05 PM
Welcome Back!
"Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle."
 George Burns

Cfickter

#26
10/31/2018 09:11 AM
Oooooooo! Ooooooo! I have one
Guru Master of the Minions

Alcohol, Tobacco, & Firearms should be a convenience store, not a department of our government!

Gunga galunga ... gunga, gunga-lagunga." - Carl Spackler

Education is important, cigars are importanter!

I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me




SparklePony

#27
10/31/2018 01:26 PM
QuoteCfickter - 10/31/2018  10:11 AM  Oooooooo! Ooooooo! I have one

Ok. One. You get one...
Yes, it's a pineapple hat.  No, you can't put your cigar out in it.

Cfickter

#28
10/31/2018 03:16 PM
What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor?

"Make me one with everything."
Guru Master of the Minions

Alcohol, Tobacco, & Firearms should be a convenience store, not a department of our government!

Gunga galunga ... gunga, gunga-lagunga." - Carl Spackler

Education is important, cigars are importanter!

I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me




05Venturer

#29
10/31/2018 07:16 PM
Why are Redneck Murder cases the hardest to solve???

There are never any dental records  :lmao:
Kent
 Guru of Cynicism & Cigars

"Pump the brakes; you take your shirt off but leave your sunglasses on?" "What sort of backwards !@#$ing pageantry is that?" "You going to fight with those shades or play pokerstars.com?"

biggsy16

#30
10/31/2018 07:46 PM

Quote05Venturer - 10/31/2018  9:16 PM  Why are Redneck Murder cases the hardest to solve???  There are never any dental records  :lmao:

 

That's freaking funny 

Never done being a Dad

Vanilla Gorilla

#31
11/01/2018 08:25 AM
Welcome back. Since you've been gone I'll bring you up to date on some of the things you missed while you were away. You might think things are boring but we've had our fair share of excitement around here and this lull has been well earned.

Do you guys remember that Mexican poster who kept talking about how he wanted to kill people using trains? And how when we asked him why, he had all kinds of locomotives?

Or the little person who used to post here that claimed he was a fortune teller? He doesn't post here anymore cause he was accused of robbing a cigar store. They still haven't caught the guy. He's been a small medium at large ever since. 

Now I know this contest is probably just just open to American users, which is cool. I get it. To be honest us Canadians are getting used to the fact that we're like batteries around here. We've never included in anything.

Forever seaching for the perfect cigar, one puff at a time.

Jackal

#32
11/01/2018 01:24 PM
Great to see you back.  I am trying to get back onto the site and smoking cigar again too.


Q: You are riding a horse at full speed.  There is a giraffe right beside you and a lion nipping at you heels.   What do you do?

A: Get off of the carousel and sober up.


I'll do what I will and I'll drink what I please
I'll smoke what I like 'till I cough and I wheeze
I'll drink and I'll whore and every pleasure realize
For this time tomorrow I may die

Koop

#33
11/02/2018 12:19 PM
Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and
announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers.
'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
The pharmacist fainted.

Brlesq

#34
11/02/2018 01:15 PM
.
Bruce
Chief Enabler 
Guru of Decorum & Sarcasm

Hey! How come Habana is written on here with a Sharpie ?!?

A day without whiskey is like . . . just kidding, I have no idea!

SparklePony

#35
11/02/2018 01:46 PM
You know, some of these are good. And good to see you, too, Jason!  We need to chat about board games...
Yes, it's a pineapple hat.  No, you can't put your cigar out in it.

Kid Montana

#36
11/02/2018 02:29 PM
SparklePony distilled:



I'd rather have a cigar...

CoreyMacLeod

#37
11/02/2018 09:31 PM
A woman sitting at her recently-deceased husband's funeral.  
A man leans in to her and asks, "Do you mind if I say a word?"
"No, go right ahead." the woman replies.
The man stands, clears his throat, and says "Plethora," and sits back down.
"Thanks," the woman says, "that means a lot."
No Signature Necessary.

CoreyMacLeod

#38
11/02/2018 09:31 PM
P.S.  It's good to see you here.  I've heard that you are fun in the herfs.
No Signature Necessary.

Vanilla Gorilla

#39
11/04/2018 06:02 AM
QuoteSparklePony - 11/2/2018  3:46 PM  You know, some of these are good. And good to see you, too, Jason!  We need to chat about board games...

What kind of board games!?!
Forever seaching for the perfect cigar, one puff at a time.

nirab

#40
11/04/2018 01:42 PM
Glittery, sparkling rainbow farts...welcome back brother!  :biggrin:  :bigthumbs:
The Punk Rock Guru of Meditation and Lending a Hand

DON'T believe EVERYTING you THINK...
it's COOL to Be a GEEK!

''Any time you have an opportunity to make a difference in this world and you don't, then you are wasting your time on Earth.''-Roberto Clemente

"When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. That is my religion." - Abraham Lincoln

"It is possible to live happily in the here and now. So many conditions of happiness are available - more than enough for you to be happy right now." -

Thich Nhat Hanh

"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments, and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance - that principle is contempt prior to investigation."

The Cigar Vault
512-361-3289
in Beeuudaful Buda, Texas!

 

                                                               


Rebecca Silverwolf

#41
11/05/2018 12:05 AM
QuoteVanilla Gorilla - 11/4/2018  7:02 AM

QuoteSparklePony - 11/2/2018  3:46 PM  You know, some of these are good. And good to see you, too, Jason!  We need to chat about board games...

What kind of board games!?!

The kind played on a board. :confused:  :shades:
"Well, we may not have parted on the best of terms. I realize certain words were exchanged. Also certain... bullets."

"If I ever kill you, you'll be awake, you'll be facing me, and you'll be armed."

-Captain Malcolm Reynolds

Rebecca Silverwolf

#42
11/05/2018 12:11 AM
Okay, a one-liner for you.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
"Well, we may not have parted on the best of terms. I realize certain words were exchanged. Also certain... bullets."

"If I ever kill you, you'll be awake, you'll be facing me, and you'll be armed."

-Captain Malcolm Reynolds

bstessl

#43
11/05/2018 04:55 AM Last Edit: 11/05/2018 04:56 AM by bstessl
Geeze, SparklePony posts a thread and everyone comes out of the woodwork....  What do you call a bear with no teeth?  A gummy bear
Smoking cigarettes is a habit, smoking a cigar is an event. - Brad Paisley

Kid Montana

#44
11/05/2018 09:04 AM
Quotebstessl - 11/5/2018  2:55 AM

Geeze, SparklePony posts a thread and everyone comes out of the woodwork....  What do you call a bear with no teeth?  A gummy bear

Brian, thats dad-joke grade.  You need to step it up for a Sparklepony thread.  Because Veteran's day is coming up, my submission:

One Sunday morning, a pastor noticed an unfamiliar member standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it. The churchgoer had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside him, and said quietly, 'Good morning.'

'Good morning Pastor,' the churchgoer replied, still focused on the plaque. 'Pastor, what is this?' The pastor said, 'Well, it's a memorial to all the men and women who died in the service. Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Finally, the new churchgoer's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear
asked, 'Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:45?"


I'd rather have a cigar...

PETE314

#45
11/06/2018 06:41 AM
I met a fairy today that granted me one wish.

"I want to live forever", I said.

"Sorry" said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!"

"Fine", I said, "I want to die after the Browns win the Super Bowl!"

"You crafty bastard!", said the fairy.



This coming from a diehard Browns fan...lol
I thought I was wrong once....but I was mistaken....

What good is it to wear your lucky rocketship underpants if nobody wants to see them????

Vanilla Gorilla

#46
11/08/2018 07:39 AM
QuoteRebecca Silverwolf - 11/5/2018  2:05 AM  
QuoteVanilla Gorilla - 11/4/2018  7:02 AM  
QuoteSparklePony - 11/2/2018  3:46 PM  You know, some of these are good. And good to see you, too, Jason!  We need to chat about board games...

What kind of board games!?!
The kind played on a board. :confused:  :shades:

ahahah ok that is a fair comment to make. 

The reason why I asked is I get hired to help people develop their Kickstarter campaigns for board game projects. I also am frequently hired to play test and preview/review board games before they become reality through crowdfunding campaigns.  
Forever seaching for the perfect cigar, one puff at a time.

Longhorn

#47
11/08/2018 09:32 PM
Your avatar is real cute... PF Changs will never be the same.

Elton John was in town last weekend and my wife landed tickets... we saw him the year we got married and my wife made sure to remind me of that as I was "forced" to go with her.

Never mind I had plans to smoke cigars and drink whisky the same night with a few friends (including Druff from this community).

Anyway, the concert turned out to be a good one as Elton played all his favorite hits and sang for nearly 3 hours.

As you know, Sparkle Pony, Elton John is great on a piano... but he sucks on an organ.   :-0

SparklePony

#48
11/09/2018 12:51 PM
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA ^^^^!!!!!
Yes, it's a pineapple hat.  No, you can't put your cigar out in it.

Cfickter

#49
11/09/2018 02:06 PM
QuoteSparklePony - 11/9/2018  1:51 PM  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA ^^^^!!!!!

Oh, so that is how it is, huh?
Guru Master of the Minions

Alcohol, Tobacco, & Firearms should be a convenience store, not a department of our government!

Gunga galunga ... gunga, gunga-lagunga." - Carl Spackler

Education is important, cigars are importanter!

I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me




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